Tag Archives: bunnythemelis

The Charm Podcast w/ Bunny: Spiritualism

Welcome to “The Charm,” a new solo audio venture by Bunny Themelis.

I miss being on the main podcast as frequently as I was, but there was stuff I never could get into during those discussions. Mostly nerdy, non-sequitur stuff. Much like my soon-to-be relaunched video series “2Geeky (for the streets),” not everything I focus on translates well in a comedy club.

As some of you may know, I am a trivia champion.
Literally: I was on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” this past January and walked away with a pretty penny. Maybe you, too, can collect seemingly useless knowledge and go on TV and win money. IT CAN HAPPEN!

But how did I get so good at trivia, you might wonder. Well, it was not on purpose!
I simply am attracted to history and all the stranger-than-fiction factoids it supplies.

So for some of my podcasts, I am going to be regaling you with the historical curiosities I love. Humorously, of course.
 

 

Spiritualism

This week, I have a couple tales surrounding Spiritualism, a 19th century belief system that had people holding seances to commune with the dead. There was a good mix of true believers and intentional frauds in the mix, using all kinds of techniques to contact the “other side.”

While it is tempting to relate them to the New Age gurus of today, they really were not seen as “out there” or antithetical to mainstream Christian dogma. In fact, many would hold seances and then attend church the next day. Which is very unlike today when many Christian churches advise against, say, even trying yoga.

So Spiritualism was all the rage. Baltimore was the birthplace of the Ouija board, and it has a spooky history. I lay out just how it went from beloved innocent toy to tool of the devil. (Hint: the Exorcist)

I also go in on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of Sherlock Holmes, who was big on Spiritualism. So, into it that he allowed himself to believe some pretty silly stuff.

Check it out!

2Geeky w/ Bunny: Isis, Thots and Egyptian Mythology

Isis
The only Isis I mess with.

Welcome to 2Geeky (for the streets) a video series showcasing all the odds and ends that are simply too geeky for the streets, or comedy club.
 
I’m Bunny Themelis.
 
This week I am drawing on some of my expertise: mythology! In my first go-round of 2Geeky videos, I featured a few choice Greek myths. I will no doubt feature more, as I was always narcissistically interested in Greek mythology. I have a degree in Classical Mythology, but I almost went with a Fable/Folklore one, which means I am really fun at parties. You haven’t lived until I’ve regaled you with the origin story of Quetzalcoatl over a few beers.
 
If you want a good overview of the Minotaur myth, you can check out my old youtubes. I also made a video about Aphrodite’s birth, and funnily enough this Egyptian story ALSO features semen thrown into a body of water. Those immortals, always with the water bukake.
 

 

Somebody Has To

I had to stand up for Isis, the Egyptian goddess of health/marriage/knowledge, in light of, you know, the terrorist ISIS. And aren’t they “ISIL” now, anyway? Very frustrating.

Did you know a nail salon in New York called “Isis Nails” had to change their name because of that?? They OBVIOUSLY named the salon for the gorgeous ancient goddess, but no one cares! Poor ancient Gods, always getting dissed in the modern world.

And that really is a damn, damn shame. So here I am, to educate the public with a crash course on some of my favorite Egyptian myths. Isis, Osiris, Set, Thoth and Horus all make appearances.

Like always, myths are surprisingly dirty and disturbing and I give you the raw stories straight from the papyrus scroll! This won’t be like the sanitized versions in those fun Young Adult books by Rick Riordan.

There’s incest, bestiality, and necrophilia- all of mythology’s greatest hits!

So check it out!!

2Geeky w/ Bunny: Weird Coffee

Coffee
KTB’s Bunny on how to make this weird coffee that’s all the rage.

 
KTB TV presents Bunny Themelis'”2Geeky (for the streets)”  

I am a standup comedian and trivia champion who often creates material that is just too geeky for the streets. Or the comedy club.  

I like to tackle history, mythology (it was my minor in college because I’m all about that paper$$$$$!!) and the weird, random things that interest me.  

This week I make some Weird Coffee, aka “Bulletproof Coffee (TM)” as popularized by the “Bulletproof Executive” Dave Asprey. Dave is a grade-A weirdo and geek (that’s a compliment coming from me) who went from being an overweight Silicon Valley millionaire who was sick all the time to a proponent of a diet high in healthy fats and low in “toxins.” Now, not everyone is on board with Asprey’s claims and he markets the hell out of his own branded line of products, but I do love reading about all of his self-experimenting.  
 

 

Weird Coffee

This coffee has grass-fed butter and MCT oil and is actually really good. You see, unsalted butter is really not that different from cream. But full disclosure, I like my coffee strong and not sweet, so if you are a Frappucino-aholic this may not be for you. 

There is evidence that suggests grass-fed butter is healthier for you. And the combination of high-quality fats makes the effects of the caffeine in coffee much more even keeled. I am someone who has slight hypoglycemia, meaning when I am hard at work and forget to eat my blood sugar drops and I get hella nauseous. When I have a Weird Coffee in the early AM I am satiated and energized until lunch.  

Dave Asprey is not the only weirdo who makes this kind of coffee. Tim Ferris of Four-hour Work Week fame also has his own version, sometimes substituting purreh tea for coffee. Joe Rogan is a big fan of it, he often hands it to his guests at the Joe Rogan podcast.  

Just try this weird shit, but make sure you BLEND. Stirring does not a Weird Coffee make. If you don’t have a fancy blender like me, you can use a hand immersion blender. A regular blender will also work, but you may have to blend longer. Make sure you build up a nice foam.  

Enjoy!

How to Be Perfect: Getting Back Together

getting back together
KTB on whether getting back together with an ex is ever a good idea.

Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.

 *We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world. Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.

Todays: Query: Say you have an ex who is still ridiculously hot, how good or bad of an idea is getting back together with her?


Ruby’s Advice:

Wait, are you sure she’s really that hot?

I have seen one too many men fall for the ‘blinding personality’ trick put on by sub-par women with witchy lady voodoo skills. She might just be mind-fucking you with advanced jedi mind tricks that leave you blinded to her now deteriorated physical dimensions.

To sum it up, you might be a sucker. Get some outside, sober opinions! I recommend that you take as many candid photos of her as possible during the following situations: not intuiting your feelings, smothering you emotionally, failing to live up to your mother, and waking up with a hangover.  

Then ask your guy friends their opinions. Don’t ask the ones who knew her when you two were dating, make an entirely new group of guy friends just for this purpose. If they say she’s bangable, then by all means, get back together! I mean, second time is always the charm. 

—————————

Bunny’s Advice:

One fatal mistake men make when pursuing the ridiculously hot is TELLING them that they’re ridiculously hot! So if you are serious about getting her back, you better start working on deflating that big head she’s got. You gotta make her feel like she can’t do any better than you.

So, first things first, you must also get to your most ridiculously hot self. Then plan to run into her “randomly” looking super hot, and then when you say hello, subtly criticize something about her appearance.

Now, there’s a fine line. Don’t be TOO mean or obvious, because she’ll just assume you’re a jealous ex, say it like you are offering her a bit of much-needed perspective. You’re only telling her those jeans give her a little muffin top for HER SAKE. Then pretend you have to leave rather urgently, leaving her to deal with the passive-aggressive bomb you’ve just left her.

Then she will go home and she wont be able to stop thinking about you: your criticism and the relationship you once had. She’ll think, “Wow, maybe I need someone in my life who will really tell it like it is.” Make sure you put a bunch of photos of yourself having a great time on Facebook, so when she inevitably stalks you, it will seem like you are very in demand.

Before you know it she’ll be liking all your instagrams, and you’ve got her!

How To Be Perfect: Dating Dummies

dating
KTB on dating dummies. She can barely tolerate the things coming out of his mouth.

Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.

 *We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world. Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.

Todays: Query: I have been dating a guy who is very sweet and caring and he wants us to be official. I’m holding out a little as he is REALLY dumb and is interested in the douchiest things but is so handsome it makes me want to cry, so it’s quite the dilemma, but I want to smack him every other time he opens his mouth, help!


Ruby’s Advice:

Well, if you were truly perfect and amazing, you would have changed this man right away. He would have completely molded himself to your needs just because you were so awesome and beautiful. But it seems like you’re at an sub-80% perfect level, so you gotta take the slow route.

Girl, don’t worry about a thing. He wants to commit, right? Well, the beautiful truth is that as soon as a guy commits, you can begin changing him little by little. You say he’s really dumb? Well, train him (like a puppy!) to not open his mouth so much!

Those douchey things will fall by the way side as time passes. Make a negative criticism here, disapprove of something small there. Baby steps. Eventually he will be completely presentable.

Whatever you do, don’t let his ample negative traits stop you from sealing the deal. You don’t want to die old and alone, do you?

—————————

Bunny’s Advice:

It all depends on how old you are.

If you are young: you say this man is so handsome it makes you want to cry, then you must use him, abuse him and then lose him! Date him until you really can’t stand the sight of him anymore, then dump him via text.

However, if you are on the older side then you must hold on to this man for dear life. He may be stupid but you said he’s handsome, and if we women have learned anything from the menfolk it’s that looks are important! You may not get another chance with a handsome man.

Also, have you ever considered you are too boring and smart? I mean, perhaps thats the real problem: you are an elitist know-it-all and this pretty man deems you suitable for courtship, and you don’t appreciate it. You should be honored.

Obama Shocks Racists in Fascinating Podcast

Obama
KTB on President Obama’s WTF Podcast interview

I’m a regular listener to the WTF podcast by Marc Maron because, duh, I do standup comedy and like long-form conversations. When I heard that Maron landed POTUS for a talk, my curiosity was piqued.

Would Maron make it about himself? Would he somehow bring up Lorne Michaels (as he is apt to do)? Will he bemoan the fact that he hasn’t had enough Black presidents on?

Obama on WTF Podcast with Marc Maron

Marc Maron used to work in liberal talk radio (LOL), but in recent years has pointedly moved away from subjects like politics and social justice because he feels it brings out the anger in him in a way that is just not fun for people to watch. And now, he says, that is what he is most concerned with that people have a good time when he puts on a show.

So, would he ask any worthwhile questions?

But more importantly, what conclusions can I jump to about the President from this hour long chat? Let’s find out.

Within five minutes, the president calls Maron narcissistic for all the pictures of himself (drink!). Maron responds by asking whether he should keep a book he’s had for 30 years but hasn’t read. POTUS says, hey, it may be just the book you need in 2 years.

Is Obama a secret hoarder?

Obama’s Early Life

We find out Obama “tried on” various personas as a young man, experimenting with how society viewed him, from Shaft to Pryor. This spurred him into a self-reflection that inspired him to transfer from Occidental College in California to Columbia University in New York.

He calls his mother “the last of the great secular humanists.” And says they never fought. He talked a bit about being Black man who didn’t need to disown the white side of his family. He used to think his mom’s family values were corny, but came around to them being aspirational in his early 20s.

Marc brings the conversation back to himself and his former political life, summing it up as “I ran the country from my couch for a couple years.”

Then the conversation turns toward the Charleston shooting, and POTUS is fairly frank, if measured, about it.

First he addresses guns, emphasizing that this issue is something specific to the United States. He respects people who are gun hobbyists, he gets that it is a part of people’s lives, but wants common sense provisions in order to prevent tragedies. He calls out the NRA for pushing against what most well-intentioned Americans really want.

Where Obama Gets It Wrong

POTUS claims that regular people do not say “Oh I don’t like this person because they’re Republican. Real people don’t do that.”

Well, Obama has obviously never met my parents, because with my family I married a Black man with little-to-no-pushback, but if he’d have been Republican I would have been disowned.

My mother, who has lived in this country for 27 years but refuses to become a citizen because she “can’t renounce her Canadianness” does this about celebrities. Do you know Dean Cain is a Republican? And Drew Carey? My mom does.

Back to Barack, who says he still has faith in the American people and I am like, really?? Ok.

The Tough Questions?

Obama is his typical moderate self and Marc Maron is not in a place in his life to be like,
“YOU’RE BEING INADEQUATELY RADICAL!” or “WHAT ABOUT DRONES, MAN?”

But what we do get is Maron asking, “Don’t you get furious?!”

“No, no, not really…Sandy Hook, that was the closest I came to feeling disgusted.”

Obama describes himself, “It is accurate to say that I believe in reason, I believe in facts.”

But I’m not here for that, I want to hear the Prez talk about racism! Come on, make people clutch those pearls!

RACISM!

“Racism, we are not cured of. It’s not just a matter of it not being polite to say n-!”

Um, wait can I quote the president here? Should we censor?

Right now Piers Morgan is on Twitter advocating putting white people in jail who use the N-word. Which really puts me in a bind because if no one can ever say it, then what am I supposed to say when I am called slurs? That they called me an ‘n-word’-lover? Makes it seem like I like the N-word, which is categorically untrue. It’s just getting too hard!

Obama continues, saying really reasonable stuff about how we’ve made a lot of progress on racial equality in just his lifetime but,
“Societies don’t completely erase everything that happened just 200-300 years prior.”

We Live In The Future

Maron- “What do you do for fun?!”
Obama says hanging out with his kids. Obama talks about his father. How Michelle is a stickler for punctuality.

They end with Marc looking for validation, “Did we do good?” and finally “Do you like comedy?” (Obama loves it.)

“Who are your guys?” Pryor, Dick Gregory, Louis CK.

You guys, Presidents doing podcasts. We live in the future.

How To Be Perfect: Cheating

Cheating
KTB’s Perfect girls tell you how to cheat, if you’re that kind of scumbag.

Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.

 *We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world. Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.

Todays: Query: Is it really considered cheating if the girl is uglier than the one I’m dating? What if it only lasts for less than 5 mins? What if it’s just heavy petting and mutual masturbation?

———————————————————–

Bunny’s Advice:

Oh, how wrong you have it, my boy. Cheating is a scumbag’s game, but there is a way to be the better scum.

Cheating only doesn’t count if it lasts under 5 minutes AND the girl is unquestionably HOTTER that your girlfriend, like in a supernatural way. The implication being that you’re way too lowly to actually be on that super hot girl’s radar. I mean, you could even spin it like SHE used YOU.

That way it’s a believable lapse in judgement because everyone knows men cant control themselves around women who are too hot. You cheating with an uglier girl adds insult to injury, because it’s like cheating on your lady’s personality! How awful!

At least with a hotter girl she can chalk it up to superficial cravings, and the slutty, slutty ways of the hot girl. How is she to comfort herself when you’re groping on ugly chicks just for fun?

Always cheat up, my friend, up.
—————————

Ruby’s Advice:

Get used to the facts: men have a Y-chromosome lazy and visual gene (I know this because I have a master’s degree in biology.)
Once synthesized into proteins, this gene is responsible for male high-def magnetic goggle-eyes with tunnel vision.

For this reason I am going to direct this advice to the women involved-
Whatever prettiest thing your cheating boyfriend sets his eyes on at the moment is what he wants to put his penis near. Simple! I’ve come up with a top ten list of reasons you were cheated on and ways you can remedy these:

  1. Your eye lashes are too short – eyelash tinting/Latisse/fake eyelashes
  2. Your feet are too big – toe-shortening plastic surgery
  3. Your finger nail polish is chipped – Axxium gel, gel tips, acrylics
  4. You have armpit stubble – laser hair removal
  5. Your hair isn’t straight enough – brazilian karatin treatment
  6. Your foundation doesn’t blend into your neck – kabuki brushes make this easy
  7. Your jeans are from 2 seasons ago (who wears skinny jeans anymore?) – 70’s style bell-bottoms start at just $219 on shopbop.com
  8. Your vulva isn’t symmetrical – labiaplasty
  9. You don’t have a happy glow – cheek stain + luminizer in the perfect ratio
  10. Your triceps are too flabby – 3 sets of 15 reps of pushups, 10 lb weights, and lean protein for lunch

And the list goes on. As you can see, you can prevent his cheating ways by meticulously taking perfect care of every part of your body. His magnetic eye beams will be constantly drawn to you and only you. Good luck!

How To Be Perfect: Little White Lies

White Lies
Killing the Breeze on how to perfectly get away with little white lies.

Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.

*We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world. Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.

Todays: Query: Before I started dating my current man I told a couple, little white lies that has since turned into a HUGE white lie. It’s not something that comes up daily but I do worry about it randomly being revealed by my family or friends. It’s gotten out of hand and I don’t know what to do! I don’t want him thinking I am a total nut job, I think I want to marry him down the road.


Ruby’s Advice:

So did you tell him you had two vaginas, even though you only have one?
From what you say, it sounds like you told him you had double the vajayjay when you actually only have the classic situation.

It could happen to anyone!

You better cover your tracks. First, never take your pants off. Ever. I know this will prove to be challenging since you’re all hot for each other, but I assure you it’s worth it.

Second, do something to rid your family and friends of this information. Perhaps hypnotize them or even better, lobotomize. Make sure their long-term memory is wiped out, like it happens in most soap operas.

This might be hard, so you could kill all of them or just cut ties until you officially get married and he can’t back out. But don’t worry about marrying him with this lie intact.

Successful relationships are based on keeping secrets from one another. How else do you think billions of flawed people stay together???

—————————

Bunny’s Advice:

Yeah, what else could the lie be, Ruby is likely right on. (Unless…is this Rachel Dolezal? Is that the kind of “white lie” you are referring to?)

Chances are he totally secretly suspects you were born with only one vag, but just like in that play M. Butterfly, you both kind of keep up the facade because no one wants to admit the truth and go to jail for treason.

If you come clean it might ruin the whole fantasy, so I recommend some tried-and-true advice I am fond of dispensing: Lie, lie, deny till you die. That’s how most good marriages start, anyway.

Best of luck!

Enough With The Extreme Fitness Challenge Obsession

Extreme fitness challenges: not much to brag about
Extreme fitness challenges: not much to brag about

The New Year is here and that means RESOLUTIONS! I see more than a few friends signing up for extreme fitness “races.”
 
You’ve heard of them: Tough Mudder, Savage Race, Warrior Dash.
 
These glorified dick measuring contests can be something to boast about. They are challenging. Good for you.
 
But, I hate these fucking things. Look at this picture ADVERTISING the race:


 
Yep, that bitch is bleeding from the head. Bleeding.
 
Though I’m sure this woman is all “ZOMG sooooo worth it!!!”, who cares? There’s something that rubs me all the wrong way about this sort of volunteer torture.
 

Do you want to DIE?

Tough Mudder, specifically, has electric fences at 10,000 volts. That you climb under with wet, muddy skin. Some estimate that upwards of 50% of participants walk away with a serious injury. What the fuck?
 
Were extreme fitness challenges invented for people who didn’t get beat or abused as children, but really wish they were? Obviously they feel like they missed out and must now inflict injuries on to themselves through taxing physical labor. It’s sort of like those rich people who go to hotels that resemble slums, you know, for funsies!
 
 

But, but, aren’t we too fat?!

It disturbs me that Americans, though mostly fat layabouts from what I hear TV-talking-heads saying about childhood obesity and the like, are still overly impressed with physical feats. Brawn over brains much like our Roman forebears.
 
On the other hand, I support all sorts of ridiculous attempts at actual fun. I don’t begrudge the people who truly find this sort of grueling torture super fun. Have at it!
 
Just don’t brag about it and then put other people down for being “too lazy.” Frankly, this could extend to basically anyone who’s made a major physical lifestyle change but gotten self-righteous about it. There’s a lot of overlap here. Don’t become a fitness fundamentalist.
 
Don’t be one of the insufferable douchebags who think having a pot belly is the epitome of failure, worthy of public scorn and ridicule, all while masturbating to their own ability to make their way through the extreme fitness race equivalent of a theme park. You just look silly. 

Achievement Buzz

It’s the epitome of arrogance to presume to know why other people are the way they are. Human beings inherently have too many variables to make assumptions. Not to mention that our shitty food supply makes it hard for people of limited means to obtain quality nutrition in the first place. (Also if I may humbly request no one post those disingenuous “it’s cheaper to eat healthy!” charts. It is not when you take full reality into account. You cannot buy 10 cents worth of lettuce at a time. Thank you.)
 
I’m just not all that impressed by these races, so please stop acting like I should be. It’s gritting your teeth on a sunny day through a carefully contrived obstacle course. You’re doing that shit for fun, so stop beating your dick over it. No one’s life is being saved. Having the free time and resources to participate in this kind of bullshit is not in itself especially admirable.
 
So whether you’re a sad 20 something who misses their college’s Greek Week festivities, or someone looking for something to prove in their court-ordered sobriety boredom, just know that if you “compete” in an extreme fitness race it is utterly meaningless outside of the meaning you give it yourself. So the least you can do is be nice about it.

Kardashian Hate

 

The Kardashians

People say the Kardashians represent everything that’s wrong with our country. I say BLAMING the Kardashians is actually what is wrong with this country.
 
Endlessly seeking out figures on which to project some sense of superiority is what’s ruining our country. Get off the internet and do some math if you wanna help!
 
Everyone is always looking to shit on people they find disposable. If you’re bitterly feminist like me, it’s no surprise that more often than not, these figures are female.
 
Stop deluding yourself into believing you have no autonomy in deciding what grabs your attention. Stop behaving as if the Kardashians broke into your home, duct taped you to a chair, and forced you to chain-watch every season of every show (including spinoffs!). They are on basic cable.
 
You’re making the decision to pay attention. You might be surprised to discover that there are actually many people who don’t even know who the Kardashians are.
 

Tabloids

Stop pretending that people who work for tabloids are anything but the absolute scum of the earth. They never get their pic splashed across a magazine, but can make up all the atrocious lies they want as long as they attribute them to “a source”. They can behave as if they have no boundaries, as if someone’s personal life becomes as legitimate a thing to investigate as political crimes. (Who are we kidding, journalists don’t investigate political crimes anymore!)
 

Paparazzi

Stop cheering “thats what you get, famewhores!” when paparazzi try to physically intimidate people. This sentiment reminds me of all the odious human attitudes I can barely tolerate. Does someone being famous, even “famous for being famous,” mean that they aren’t still carbon-based lifeforms that get nervous and scared when being chased by strange men in cars? Does their wealth give creepers the right to hang outside of the schools of the underage Kardashians? There might not be a law, but I am personally judging the shit out of you, bad paps.
 

They’re Darker

Like many things, I also detect the stink of white supremacy on Kardashian haters. “But they’re white!” you might exclaim. Well, Kris Jenner certainly is a white woman, despite soaking the top of her head in black ink every month. But do you guys even know where Armenia is?
 
Full disclosure: I feel a solidarity for their Armenian side as a Greek. Greeks, Armenians, and Assyrians all have something in common, historically being victims of genocide at the hands of Ottoman Turks. Also, juicy butts.
 
I find that some casual Kardashian haters are not even aware of this detail. They don’t understand why Lamar didn’t take the offer to play in Turkey when Khloe felt uncomfortable due to her Armenian background. (“Khloe & Lamar”, Season 2, Episode 4)
 

Kim vs. Paris

My theory becomes more compelling when you consider the case of two sex tapes: Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. I realize they’re commonly considered to be THE SAME because of the sex tape to reality show trajectory, but let’s look closer.
 
As a teenager, Paris Hilton was getting into adult nightclubs and dancing on bars without underwear to land Page Six. When Kim Kardashian was a teenager, she did relatively regular (albeit rich kid) high school things like work a part time job with her dad and go to school dances.
 
Paris Hilton is shaped like a ruler and has a wonky eye (which is ok to mock since its from botched plastic surgery.) Kim K is like a cartoon Princess Jasmine come to life, with a curvy, swervy body. Do I have to point out which body type is more coveted among white people?
 
Paris Hilton’s been arrested for drugs multiple times. Kim K has never been arrested. In fact, I don’t think she’s ever been publicly under-the-influence when it wasn’t under the watchful eye of friends, family and producers.
 
Paris Hilton’s checkered past concerning race has been documented here and here. The Kardashians fall in love with black men, have actual black friends, and get called “trashy”, or worse.
 
Paris Hilton is a mean bully. Kim K is like your spoiled ditzy cousin. She means well. She’s sweet and pretty, but she maybe not always be the sharpest tool in the box. Paris Hilton collects animals like they’re accessories, while Kim K has an adorable child. Well, that last one may be a bit unfair.
 
I think you get where I’m going. Paris Hilton is a demonstratively terrible human being. Yet, there’s a certain amount of cache her brand of entrenched whiteness seems to afford her. If Kim K was that much of a hot sloppy mess, we’d long have stopped hearing about her outside of Bossip.
 

Final Note To My Fellow Comedians

Any joke whose punchline is “Kim Kardashian is a whore” or “Kim Kardashian fucks black guys!” is a terrible excuse for humor and you should be ashamed of yourself. I want to tell you to kill yourself, but that’s pretty insensitive to suicidal people.
 
Oh and: Congrats Kimye!!! Kim is finally getting every woman’s fairytale: a talented, rich, successful man who is secretly a huge dork that’s seen far too many rom-coms.