Kanye as President, What Would It Look Like?
Using our patented KTB BreezeScope™ to look at potential futures, we located a news report from April 30, 2021, 100 days after Kanye West was sworn into office as The President of the United States of America.
Many called him crazy when he announced his presidential aspirations 5 years ago at the MTV Video Music Awards. Many called him far worse for even considering himself worthy to be the “leader of the free world;” however, in 2015, when Kanye West made clear his 2020 presidential intentions, he seemingly set off a chain reaction that saw the universe conspiring to make his intentions reality.
Ask 50 people and you’ll hear a hundred responses as to how exactly Kanye West became president. Did West successfully galvanize the youth vote? Were people just voting ironically? Was the country so fed up with the excess and criminal negligence of the Trump administration that the people were ready for anything they perceived as radically different? It will be some time before we know whether Kanye West is the best person for the job in 2020, but one thing remains irrefutable – Kanye West’s first 100 days in office have been as unpredictable as his presidential announcement in 2015. Here are the highlights.
The First 100 Days of President Kanye West
- Becomes the first president to perform at his own inauguration, where he performs an hour and thirty minute set of his own music before unveiling an updated version of his 2016 smash, “Listen To The Kids, Bro! (Part 2)” featuring Jay-Z, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, and Kendrick Lamar. Promptly announces the “Hail to the Yeezus” World Tour as a surefire method of balancing the national debt.
- Takes the Oath of Office without incident until the end where instead of repeating “So help me God,” President West instead responds with “So help me, Me.”
- Names Caitlyn Jenner as White House Press Secretary. He cites her world class athlete work ethic, impeccable shoe game, and artful commitment to transparency exhibited during her transition in 2015 as the reasons offering her the position. Caitlyn promptly signed on for a new reality show titled, “Caitlyn: I Am Press Secretary” which is all about reaching out to the transgender press secretary community.
- Appoints fellow rapper and long time collaborator Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter as Secretary of Treasury, saying the following about his long time collaborator: “To date, there is nobody better at getting money than Jigga.” Carter, after expressing cool certainty at his prestigious appointment joked of his expectation to go the way of original Secretary of Treasury Alexander Hamilton who famously resigned the position in 1795 because he wasn’t making enough money.
- Creates the “No Child Left UnFly” School Uniform initiative in which several top designers would design different versions of government sponsored public schools uniforms so that “no child would be without dope threads during the school year.”
- Declares he has “decided everyone was finished” with college, pledging to dismantle state institutions of higher education in favor of federally funded schools that will teach “whatever it is people wanna do” for no charge.
- Mr. West storms out of an interview with Bill O’Reilly, after O’Reilly claimed Mr. West was a “Pop Star President.” West proclaimed that “Fox News ain’t never had no answers” before vowing to use the power of the office to force them become a real and respected news institution. Comedian Chris Rock famously joked, that “Kanye would have an easier time committing suicide.”
- Signs an Executive Order revoking tax exempt status for all organizations (including churches and the NFL) unless they promote aggressive self-love.
- In a failed attempt to broker a lasting peace between Israel and Palestine, First Lady Kim Kardashian-West bares all in Jerusalem igniting a firestorm of controversy. The swell of traffic from the ensuing photos caused Time Magazine’s servers to shut down for the first time in over a decade.
- Proposes “Strange Fruit” as sung by Beyonce Knowles as his top choice for a new national anthem for the United States of America.
- Replaces presidential entrance music “Hail to the Chief” with the song “Champion,” from the 2007 Kanye West album, Graduation
- Opens his 2021 State of the Union Address with “At least you know this time, the President cares about Black People.” For the first time in the history of television, several networks cut away from a presidential address and back to regularly scheduled programming.
- Spearheads a significant White House redesign through his multi platform creative agency, DONDA. The intent of this historic redesign, according to Press Secretary Caitlyn Jenner, is to “create a space more in line with offering total access and honesty to the American People.” Secretary of Culture, Paul McCartney, of the newly created Department of G.O.O.D, chimed in, “Yes… the color of the White House will change.”