How To Be Perfect: Stripper Dancing
Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.
*We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world. Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.
Today’s Query: How Old Is Too Old To Dance Like a Stripper?
Like a stripper or AS a stripper? Either way, YUCK. How degrading to the female gender. You sensuously gyrating for groups of perverted men is a dishonor to all womankind. Women are supposed to be ladies. And ladies wear a lot of clothes and dance stiffly! Think of the classiest ladies in history- queens, senators, wives of rich guys. They all wear TONS of clothes. Robes, furs, full piece suits, turtlenecks, petticoats… According to all the historical films I’ve ever seen, women used to wear six different garments to bed AND they slept in separate rooms from their husbands. They also slow danced in rehearsed patterns, standing almost two feet away from their partner. This isn’t an issue of age. Rather, it’s an issue of you disrespecting yourself by wanting to be so obviously sexually enticing. That attitude is for classless whores, with whom I would NEVER be friends. I recommend taking up a different form of dance, one in which you get dragged around the dance floor by a forceful man who decides your every step.
I must disagree with my illustrious colleague- it’s NEVER too old dance like a stripper! Girl, the new feminism is all about shaking your empowered ass! Who are strippers but badass bitches doing whatever they want? Except when they have to pay the club owners out of pocket if they don’t, like, do enough lappies. I suspect you simply mean just dancing like a stripper but within the confines of a bastion of equality like a nightclub, not professionally.
The modern lady can dance like a stripper, cook like Guy Fieri AND be a super successful career woman! So I suggest you step it up a notch by installing a pole in your home. This way you can teach your daughters to drop it low before they reach puberty, it’ll give them a leg up on life. Pun intended.