How To Be Perfect: Not a Slut
Giving it up on the first date?
Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.
*We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world. Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.
Today’s Query: How many dates is the right amount before sleeping with a guy? I don’t want to be labelled a slut but is 4 ok? Also when is it ok to sleep with a guy on a first date. I would guess never, but are there exceptions?
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Bunny’s Advice:
Dates? What’s a date? Like those things from Archie Comics at the malt shop?
Sorry, does not compute. Anyway, I am here to tell you that you can sleep with a man as soon as you want to with no negative repercussions because its 2015, and in 2015 a man doesn’t think you’re a slut when you sleep with him early, he thinks, “YES, score! Sexy liberated woman!”
At least, in my experience from my single days, whenever I’d hook up with a guy right away, he’s basically be proposing marriage to me the following week. And, honestly, it got annoying! I’d hold out when I WASN’T interested. But you are obviously into this guy, so…
I think you may have waited too long. Are you sure he hasn’t gone and gotten at his booty call in the interim period of four “dates” (whatever those are)? Because it’s way grosser to sleep with a guy when he’s been diddling his backup, than it is to just give it up right away. Ah well, hindsight is 20/20, better luck next time!
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Ruby’s advice:
We know you’re not perfect, but we’re here to help. You’ve delved into a major issue all hetero women face and it’s time we gave a straight-shootin’ answer once and for all. Four dates is the perfect amount of time to wait. It’s the perfect amount of dates to determine your value. You see, the whole goal is to make yourself the Cristal of champagnes in his eyes. Sure, maybe you’ve got warts or you’re a giant, but there are things you can do to make yourself SEEM worthier. To do this, you have to trick the boner.
He’s already asked you out, so you’ve tricked him good. But don’t spoil it too soon!
On date 1 you want to establish that you are worth all those things he’s going to buy you. Chicken Parmesan, pinot grigio, all that shit.
On date 2 he’s saying, look, I know you didn’t put out but I’m willing to keep spending moneys on you because I find you hot and necessary. You’re totally tricking him!
On date 3 he’s probably starting to get a bit annoyed. But hey, he still thinks you’re of value, so it’s time to step in and make sure he doesn’t think you’ll be a cold fish forever. This is the date when you tease the shit out of him. Do anything and everything to get him hot and bothered but don’t touch his wienie. That’s slutty.
On date 4, make the date at whoever’s place so he knows he hasn’t wasted his time. Then make him slowly seduce you like you hadn’t planned on it all along. Make sure he wears a condom, because only dirty whores do it ‘raw’. The old school advice would be to hold out longer, say even after he proposes but I’ve gotta be honest, nowadays girls are sluts. There are hundreds of girls out there hotter and sluttier than you and if you’re not gonna put out, he’ll just walk right into their trap.
