Dating Fears: You Need To Beware the Needy Babies
I remember one of the first articles I read on Killing the Breeze, Nicole Epps’ perfect depiction of the man child. The guy that every woman has dated, somehow fallen for, and just as quickly kicked to the curb like yesterday’s paper (or sometimes day old gum stuck on the bottom of our shoe). I’ve even written about the “nice guys” of the world, and how those “bad boys” (man children) find a way into our lady brains and completely corrupt our mental judgment and, sadly, coax us into making some regrettable decisions. Hey, we’re just young women looking for something exciting. Can you blame us? Mistakes will be made from time to time.
Should We Opt for Being Single?
And from time to time, these types of relationships have made me (and almost all my fellow single colleagues) want to avoid dating all together…Seriously, who has time to even entertain the idea of having to date (babysit) a child? Guys, girls, anyone. Sadly, we rarely know what we’re getting ourselves into until we’re deep into it, and we rarely see exactly what it is that these leeches are doing to us until we finally find a way out. Little do we know that our significant others could potentially be controlling who we spend our time with, and little do we know when we’re being manipulated into feeling guilty for things we shouldn’t ever feel badly about. Goodness gracious, does that even sound fun? HECK NAH. Of course being single will trump going through that bullsh*t.
But I hate that I’m so turned off by relationships, I HATE that my friends and I are quick to turn our heads away from every guy out there just because they MAY be just as bad as our last affair. Guys and girls everywhere put this awful label on relationships because the last one left a bad taste in their mouth. “I stopped hanging out with my friends,” “oh, he didn’t let me wear certain clothing,” “she had me whipped….”
Here’s the thing: relationships (in my opinion) should NEVER change you. They should never reign control of any part of your life, change how you are, how you dress, or you hang out with. Perhaps it’s not dating or relationships that are destroying our ability to have trust in them, but it’s the PEOPLE we choose to date. These immature, insecure, needy babies that begin demanding things from their counterpart. I’ve had so many girl and guy friends go through relationships that “changed them for the worst” or “made them not feel like themselves anymore,” and then, luckily, found a way out.
But do you know why they felt like they changed? Because they were being seen as someone they weren’t. These immature, insecure, needy babies saw them as something much different than which they are. They fonded over this pretend person that they barely knew at all, and questioned them when they tried to break away from the unhappiness they finally identified with. These poor people that get stuck in relationships and “change” because they are not being seen for who they truly are, are then treated as such, and are blinded by the lust (not love).
How It Should Be
A relationship is not a bound agreement to become someone’s property. You are still your own person, your own first love, and you’re first priority. Always. A true relationship is supposed to combine two independent people into one synchronized unit that can still function independently from one another. There should be no pressure for control, no guilt for behaving as ourselves, and no feelings of obligation for the other person. These man children, bad boys, needy girls, or whatever else there may be should not be seen as the example for what’s to come in your next relationship. Yeah, they are there, and they are generally pretty appealing at first, but they are not all you’re left with. All the “good ones” are not taken by the time you hit 25.