This Is The Communication Dilemma
I recently read this article entitled “Fuck Yes or No” by Mark Mansion. It popped up on my Facebook and given the title, I had to read it.
This article talked about how important it is to be able to identify a relationship worth pursuing, and how vital it is to know that you shouldn’t want to be with someone that doesn’t equally act as excited to be with you. Not only was it incredibly spot on about every single issue addressed (in my opinion), it made me reflect on my past mistakes with whom I’ve chosen to invest my time/thoughts on. And that’s awesome. Exactly what the article was supposed to do. Rapidly fueled by this thought process, I also started to think about such an annoying aspect of today’s dating scene that is probably a major source of confusion and constant relationship pursuits that aren’t reciprocated.
YOUR DAMN CELLPHONE (and every portal of social media)
Me, my friends, and even my family have experienced conversational misunderstandings through basically every form of electronic communication. This mostly includes interpreting texts incorrectly and risky Facebook behavior.
Why Texting Sucks
Texting is probably the worst one of all. Allow me to elaborate.
We all have our own texting styles. Some are extremely expressive (emoji overload, loads of punctuation), some of us supposedly “laugh” after every single sentence, and some of us take a day and a half to respond.
And that’s cool, you generally pick up on this after a few conversations. But how (or when) does this become dangerous? When you start to interpret what and how people text down to the very character.
Girls and guys both read so deeply into texts from someone of interest that it can become exhausting. If someone takes forever to respond, does that ALWAYS mean that they aren’t interested? If they don’t type “haha” after what I send them, am I boring them? Are they mad?
Here’s the magic answer: We really don’t know unless we ask because we cannot read minds.
Trying to decipher what a texting rhythm actually entails for the future is stupid. Most of the time, you’ll just get confused. People may interpret signals that YOU feel are showing you’re not interested as signals of coyness. You’re attempt at being mysterious may be read as bored or not interested. Certain personalities don’t carry over well on a text, especially sarcasm. I’ve had so many conversations go askew because I had to explain that my text back was indeed not a serious response, and then we both lose interest in the initial discussion.
Risky Facebook Behavior
Now Facebook is a whole other ball game. Not only do we have comments and messaging, we have: statuses, likes, shares, links, pokes and whatever new feature Facebook introduces every few months. People may attempt to use Facebook as a personal diary, they may like every picture that their significant other posts, and they may share links that apply to their personal life.
But here’s where it can get misleading and incredibly complicated. What if the person you like won’t text you back, but they like your status? What if you see that your person of interest (or your significant other) likes another person’s photo? What could THAT mean?
Facebook has become a site full of aspiring detectives and seriously makes it impossible to post something even slightly controversial without an uproar of reactions. People can interpret a post like it’s directed to them and/or attempt to direct a post to someone without it ever reaching them. It’s become ridiculous. Like with texting, you cannot view a post and attempt to figure out the motive behind it. You’ll drive yourself crazy. So many people get agitated over Facebook posts and Facebook activity, that behavior in person can be affected.
For example, if a girl sees a guys post and gets mad, she may act cold to him the next day. But how will he know? He won’t. Will she tell him why she’s mad? It may take a while. And thus, we have a potential fight brewing over something that was so indirectly introduced.
The harsh reality is that we can’t know what someone actually wants or how he or she feels for you until you actually speak in person, and we can’t obsess over why someone does something on social media. Until you hear their tone of voice, watch their body language, you won’t get the “fuck yes or no” answer.
Who wants their fairytale romance to start with a devotion of love over a text message or a Facebook post? I sure as hell don’t.
Here’s a link to the article I referenced: