Team Trump: A Revolutionary Show Soon to Grace Your TV This Year

This week our team was doing our usual digging through the trash outside Trump Towers when we found a thumb drive wrapped in a note scribbled in purple crayon saying “For Daddy: This is Team Trump.”

Later, wikiLeaks published private Trump gchats before it was quickly taken down — the only explanation we could find for this was an email our 400-pound guy in his parents’ basement captured from an anonymous source saying “Julian, do not forget who is your overlord, comrade.”

Still, the exchange sheds some light on the video, which appears to be the opening scene for a cartoon about “Team Trump” that we should expect to see as the first offering from our Most Honorable Presidential Real News and Entertainment Channel (fka Fox). Look below the video for the full exchange transcripts.

BigHandsDon69: Hey Spicey, got something new, really big league. Great video. Just had KA send it to you.

ScarySpice187: Who is this?

BigHandsDon69: Spicey it’s Donny. Did you watch the video? Remember how you said we had to reach out to the kids??? And remember when we talked about naming Barron our new tech head guy???? He set me up on this new thing Called gchat Great computer thing Told him to add the 69 to the name Really great

ScarySpice187: Uhh… Mr. President, we discussed this. While yes, many tech execs are younger that traditional corporate execs, I still think Barron is too young to be the Tech and Cyberterrorism Czar.

BigHandsDon69: Just watch the fucking video and tell me whos the expert here Barron made it using the gold iPad you got him So good with these computers Even wrote music Amazing what these kids can do

BigHandsDon69: Did you watch it?

ScarySpice187: What is this?

BigHandsDon69: New show Reach out to kids Adventures Make world safe Great stuff Team Trump

ScarySpice187: Sir, I don’t think he created this. For one thing, it says Hanna Barbera.

BigHandsDon69: Spicey, it says “Hanna Barberan” Hanna is our maid or babysitter or something I don’t know the woman who watches the kid while Melania is out Team Trump

ScarySpice187: By the way, where has Melania been? Nobody has seen

BigHandsDon69: Godamut Spic Spice stop trying to change the subject The videos great Team Trump

ScarySpice187: Sir, this was a cartoon from the 60s called “Johnny Quest,” I think your son just put heads on it, poorly at that. If you want to go this route, let’s do something new?

BigHandsDon69: Nobody cares just take the damn thing to fox we can replace the Simpsons will help make me cool again Remember when I was on The Fresh Prince no time to start over with a new idea just do it

ScarySpice187: But sir I

BigHandsDon69: One more no and I replace you with Milo Greekwhateverthefuck at Stevie’s writing website Drop everything I want the first season of Team Trump or Donny Quest or whatever fox wants to call it on my desk by Monday really play up the rapists bad hombres on the OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL!!!!!!!!

(Yes, this is a satire. I couldn’t decide which of Trump’s destructions of our most deeply-held American democratic freedoms to write about so I just had to poke the bear with an aspen branch to escape the mixture of rage and sadness that our new President has inflamed inside me).

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Ryan Ariano

Born and raised in Baltimore, Ryan has been kicking around the west since the first Clinton White House. Having worked all over SoCal in the surf industry, Hollywood, marketing, journalism and finance, he now hangs his hat just outside Jackson Hole where he can fulfill an addiction to ascending and descending mountains.

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