How To Be Perfect: Weight Loss
Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.
We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world.
*Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.
Today’s Query: “I’m noticing that since my weight loss, more men have been paying attention to me. Should I keep going?”
Ruby’s Advice: I don’t know what you started at and where you are now, but I can bet you’re not that skinny. Men like skinny women, and don’t let any fat feminists tell you otherwise. There is a tremendous amount of evidence to back this up.
First, a really hot guy once told me that the ideal woman’s weight is just a couple of pounds shy of losing her period. I trust hot guys’ opinions for almost everything.
Second, it is scientifically proven that men like small waists, and that before we as a culture got super fat, a woman’s waist was around 20 inches. Measure your waist right now. I bet it’s way bigger than that. So use your judgment. If you KNOW that men want a 20 inch waist, and yours is a beastly 30 inches, I’d recommend slimming down some, yeah.
Who would want to be seen with a woman who sits down and has a visible belly? Have you ever seen a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model with that going on? Of course not! They wouldn’t hire women with 30 inch waists for their top selling magazine. Do. The. Math. So if you’re noticing great results like having men stare more at you, give you approving nods, and ask you on dates, KEEP GOING!
If you need diet and exercise tips, don’t hesitate to e-mail us. Both Bunny and I are almost unrealistically slim, so we we know what’s what.
Bunny’s Advice: Like Ruby said, we don’t know how thin you are right now, but I suspect it’s still pretty hefty if you aren’t bragging about it. But going to the gym isn’t your only option.
There are plenty of time-tested ways for a woman to slim down, one of the most effective is corsetting. Now you don’t have the advantage our ancestors had of being corsetted from the time you’re 5, so you’re results won’t be as good as women in the past, as your bones have already grown accustomed to your wide girth. But over time, you can train your ribs to push against your lungs more to get that coveted hourglass figure.
Now, don’t let my use of the term “hourglass” confuse you, I am in no way suggesting you let yourself get as huge as a Christina Hendricks. Just because you have ample bosoms and the illusion of a waist doesn’t mean your body is acceptable. Only chubby chasers like that sort of woman, don’t believe the hype. It’s just a lie fat, lazy girls like Jessica Simpson tell themselves so they don’t have to stop shoving cakes into their mouths. Unless you are almost debilitatingly skinny, you haven’t tried hard enough!
You say you’ve already lost weight and it’s been getting you more attention from men (congrats!!), should you keep going? Of course! It’s always better to be thinner than necessary, that’s just plain smarts. Thin women win, everyone knows this, and I’m sure with a bit of hard work Ruby and I can welcome you to the club.
DISCLAIMER: Do not take this advice.