How To Be Perfect: Dating Ugly

Dating Ugly

How can you be perfect and date ugly people too?

Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.

*We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world. Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.

Todays Query: I went on a first date with someone who seemed great- successful, extremely smart, well-dressed and kind. But he is very unattractive, I’m not sure if the chemistry will ever be there- do I push it anyway?

Bunny’s Advice:

What do you mean “extremely unattractive”?

As in, do you have very specific prettyboy tastes, or is this guy legitimately fugly? I’m intuiting it’s the latter because women are taught to overlook minor physical flaws in men. Dating ugly is a time-honored tradition among super hot girls, see Jennifer Lopez.

So I’m going to assume this man is extremely obese with copious amounts of back hair, because you seem like a size-ist antisemite (or anti-Arab or –Greek or -fill-in-the-black ethnicity with body hair.)

LOL, what makes you think that this guy is even interested in you? I can tell you aren’t truly beautiful because you seem to think you’re beautiful enough to be out of this guy’s league and that just makes you homely.

My verdict: you need no advice because this lovely hirsute man already lost your number.

Ruby’s Advice:

I‘m sure you’ve gotten tons of advice on this subject already ranging from “love is all you need” to “he’ll grow on you” to “the green card process doesn’t take that long after your wedding day” to “everyone gets old and fat”. I’m not here to give you bland, timeless advice. I’m here to give you the reality.

The fact is- you’re superficial. Maybe you think you’re not because you can close your eyes very tightly when you kiss him, but you are. It looks like you highly value money (successful), status (well-dressed, extremely smart), and good manners (kind). Perhaps if this guy shows up to your next date wearing faded jeans and takes you to a sports bar, you might completely reconsider him as an option.

Since you are superficial, and I cannot change that, I suggest you welcome your superficiality with open arms! I have! Let’s be besties!



Bunny Themelis

Bunny Themelis is a Canadian-born, Baltimore-raised comedian, actress and writer. Her favorite topics include being Greek, pop culture and nerdy history facts. She lives in Baltimore with her hubby and dogs, Miss Toni and Zeus.

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