How To Be Perfect: Dating Dummies

dating

KTB on dating dummies. She can barely tolerate the things coming out of his mouth.

Welcome to How To Be Perfect; a no-nonsense advice* column from two women who know everything.

 *We are “lifestyle experts” who have been trained by women’s magazines, men’s magazines, tabloids, celeb gossip and reality TV in the ways of the world. Advice need not be “good” in order for it to count as advice. Take it or leave it though you should probably leave it.

Todays: Query: I have been dating a guy who is very sweet and caring and he wants us to be official. I’m holding out a little as he is REALLY dumb and is interested in the douchiest things but is so handsome it makes me want to cry, so it’s quite the dilemma, but I want to smack him every other time he opens his mouth, help!


Ruby’s Advice:

Well, if you were truly perfect and amazing, you would have changed this man right away. He would have completely molded himself to your needs just because you were so awesome and beautiful. But it seems like you’re at an sub-80% perfect level, so you gotta take the slow route.

Girl, don’t worry about a thing. He wants to commit, right? Well, the beautiful truth is that as soon as a guy commits, you can begin changing him little by little. You say he’s really dumb? Well, train him (like a puppy!) to not open his mouth so much!

Those douchey things will fall by the way side as time passes. Make a negative criticism here, disapprove of something small there. Baby steps. Eventually he will be completely presentable.

Whatever you do, don’t let his ample negative traits stop you from sealing the deal. You don’t want to die old and alone, do you?

—————————

Bunny’s Advice:

It all depends on how old you are.

If you are young: you say this man is so handsome it makes you want to cry, then you must use him, abuse him and then lose him! Date him until you really can’t stand the sight of him anymore, then dump him via text.

However, if you are on the older side then you must hold on to this man for dear life. He may be stupid but you said he’s handsome, and if we women have learned anything from the menfolk it’s that looks are important! You may not get another chance with a handsome man.

Also, have you ever considered you are too boring and smart? I mean, perhaps thats the real problem: you are an elitist know-it-all and this pretty man deems you suitable for courtship, and you don’t appreciate it. You should be honored.

Comments

comments

Bunny Themelis

Bunny Themelis is a Canadian-born, Baltimore-raised comedian, actress and writer. Her favorite topics include being Greek, pop culture and nerdy history facts. She lives in Baltimore with her hubby and dogs, Miss Toni and Zeus.

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